poison apple?

hmm.
i dunno.
i like this pic.
it shows tt the something can become somethin else aft a long time. up to u whether u wanna see it in a negative or positive way.
for me, it represents how somebody can haf 2 sides to him/ her. whether tt person is a hypocrite or juz trying to survive, to me, i tin its a gd thing to haf. (of cos not to the extent tt someone becomes schizophrenic la) me? well of cos i haf 2 persons in me. one is herman, one is appletoe.
Herman: the more serious, workaholic, doesn't noe how to stop, hardworkin, studious
Appletoe: the crazy, energetic, inquisitive, learner, happy, creative one

of cos i use this to survive n i feel tt everyone in the whole world has at least 2 sides. ya, its gd to be who u are n honest n everythin but sometimes i guess u haf to put up a show to be able to impress or even to make someone feel better. i believe there should be variety in life always n someone should always aspire to be someone greater (omg im beginnin to sound like ping! haha, no offense)

btw i love apples! haha

A.P.P.L.E.

it's comin to an end

my project is finally coming to an end (my production i mean) ... but the feeling isn't really gd cuz i cant really see the future very well. not sure wat i wanna do yet. should i stay in the production industry? i like doing it but then im too busy for anythin else and i don haf cpf some more. how my future future? growin old oready, haf to find stability in my life. does tt mean workin in an office? haiz.. i wanna pursue my passion in dance but wat kinda job can i do then? need lotsa time n the production industry is definitely not the way to go. not possible i juz do odd jobs all my life right?
i've always wanted to be part of a musical (even tho i haf but tt wasnt really much, juz poly) can i really make money out of it? if yes wow, ill definitely go for it man.
im gg to malacca, on x'mas (hope cliff doesnt come back then, or ill miss him, haha) my uncle treating my whole family to a day trip there. been so long since i went for holiday with my family. memories of me wen i was younger, with no care in the world. i really need a holiday man. then im plannin to go to phuket in jan with ian. duno how tt'll be though. hope it'll be fun. gonna do all research all on our own. (ppl ard us useless, even some travel agent...) it'll be a gd experience. think enlai inspired me to go to the internet n look for stuff. should be able to find gd deals as long as i do substantial amts of research. next yr im planning to go to aust to visit kooky n cliff either mid yr or end yr, depends on my availability. lookin forward to that. kooky gonna bring me to flea markets n bookstores n cliff bringing me snowboarding. so exciting! haha cant wait. nv been to aust before. mebbe can see ben also. wow, looking at it im quite busy.
aft this, sooo gonna get my bike license, don wanna drag anymore. n then take up more big dance performances to expose myself. hope nothin crops up last min. zing has oready approached me to do props n wardrobe for an mtv shoot next jan. don tin ill do cuz im gg to thai. see howla, work first then mebbe study. so many ppl bugging me.

Busy also cannot. Free also cannot. H.U.M.A.N.

my special day

well of cos it was my bdae
even tho i was so workin til late at night on my 22nd bdae, i was really happy. smses started pouring in at the stroke of midnight. (i was stil in the office) but then rushed off to timbre to meet jamie, nicorelia, rach, & the link and noisy rach. first time i met them aft long (other than jamie n nic la) so happy they both shared to buy me a pair of suspenders. my fav color some more. i got my first 2 huggies from them n i felt so happy to be loved. goodfellas were playin n rach was so into atif tt the rest of us cleared our table to make way for him to play guitar on our table. n he eventually did on their last song. he's super talented btw n they play v gd songs. damn funny how we keep disturbing rach tt night. super fun!
but then i had to go to work again the following day on my bdae....
in the morning i went to MAAD's plush exhibition to visit kooky awhile n he made me cupcakes. so sweet! they were appletoe cupcakes some more, w dried apples tt look like toes w toenails.

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kooky's neighbor shop owners sang me a bdae song, so sweet even tho i din even noe them.
back to work then, i din really told anyone of my colleagues cuz i din want it to be a big hooha or a big distraction. even if they were to celeb i tin it'd be a half hearted effort. then throughout the day there were ppl wishin me too some even ppl who i din even expect to receive msgs from. really happy tt day n i went to timbre again tt night, meeting the same ppl. juz din feel right to go hm tt night. well, this time round, rach managed to pass her namecard ro atif the guitarist n he msged her tt night itself. tin he was a bit high. guess he was a guy kinda guy. even tho the person tt i really wanted to celeb with wasnt there to be with me, i was stil happy tt certain ppl stil rmbr-ed.
i luv all of u guys hu rmbr-ed (super touched) n i'd like to thank frenster too! haha.

Growing.Old.Slowly

Being a bitch

i dunno, sometimes i really feel tt im really such a bitch. the way i treat especially my gd frenz. or mebbe juz to hide my true feelings. but i've always tot tt my closest frenz would be in the best position to really und my character. but i guess everyone has their limits. sometimes, i juz cannot take ppl who are over sensitive. oversensitivity n me.. don click. loggerheads. ill juz keep makin the situation worse. n im a heck care kinda person (lest it's somebody really special) i suck la sometimes n i feel so bad abt it sometimes. im juz not v gd at expressing my feelings to someone.

im sry to the ppl out there hu ive hurt in one way or another, cuz sometimes i don even realise it myself cuz im too full of myself n my life. well, it is my life. ok bye!

The bottom of the shallow pond.

It's amazing how sometimes u meet the most interesting ppl in the world where u tin u're direct opposites but ur frenship somehow juz works. n sometimes u juz feel everythin juz falls into a whirlpool in the drain, or other forms of insignificant water sources, like a shallow pond. u'd think tt ppl accept u for who you are at some pt or another, and suddenly, comin from nowhere, like a massive hurricane, everythin is swept away n u're left w nothin. n me bein me, i guess i cant juz leave everythin to be like tt, i had to contemplate abt it, ponder on it, crack my brain... like bloody hell im not busy enough w werk so everythin becomes this v big thing... all derived by myself n my alter ego appletoe..
really sucks how sometimes u juz cant put certain things into words or u juz am not able to tell somebody somethin cuz tt person juz doesnt und who u really are, or juz cant accept how the world works. bein shallow is easy, cuz u juz haf to accept how u urself tin n see life as, y should u even bother mixing ard w the world then, juz grow up in ur own tiny tiny world under the big rock. certain things tt u say in life to other ppl i guess u juz muz watch n not tin tt everyone will accept it like u do. sometimes u don feel like it but u juz muz tin abt other ppl's feelings n how they view certain things in life. u nv knoe wat the other finds ok n not cuz everyone has secrets.. i guess life is juz like tt isn't it?
at least i noe tt they are a few people out there hu actually stil care.

Nothin. Hurts. More. Than. Urself

Tt's me!

Finally got a chance
to wear No. 1 uniform.
Haha.

Hi there!

Hi!
Welcome to my humble blog. Nothin' much here but i guess since u're oready here tt should be somethin' of interest u're lookin for.


So enjoy!

-appletoe-