Am I thinking too much?

I've not been working full time for quite awhile now, actually ive never worked full time, haha. but then i feel my brains not being put to work other than whenever I'm being put in a situation where i have to think on the spot whenever i have to lead dance class for students, last min. i don like that feeling. im a planner you see?
so at this point of my life, i feel like ive got a lot space in my head to think about a lot of things. about life, about the things happening around me and stuff, it's not very good to be honest.
in alot of my friendships that i haf so far i feel that i have always been the advisor, im not sayin tt its not a gd thing la cuz i like to be the giver, but then sometimes i want to be on the receiving end too. and having listened to soo many relationship and life problems from my frenz.. i feel that i learned alot of stuff and im very grateful of it. but the bad thing that i see to it is the fact tt i tend to 2nd guess myself whenever i face problems in life. like ill face a problem and then i somehow will noe the root of the problem but its juz tt it doesnt make it fun anymore tt u get to noe how to fix it in the first place, it makes it too easy. and u feel like u haf a longing to hear it from someone else other then urself, the feelin really sucks.
i feel very confused right now, i dun even understand wat im talkin abt anymore!
im so pissed at myself for being so fickle minded and trying to be righteous abt trying to help everyone else in their lives that i neglected my own. ive always tot to myself, 'who cares about wat other ppl think? the onli person i can trust and the only person tt loves me is myself'.
i duno wat my future holds for me , well i guess nobody does but then now i feel tt ive no direction at all. i need someone to just come up to me and just slap me now, to wake me up. i feel tt ppl have been giving me support and telling me i can be succesful in everything tt i try to do so much so that i tin ive become complacent man. i don feel the drive anymore that challenges face me i don even feel like trying to overcome it anymore. ive lost my DRIVE!
ive been tinking abt the way tt i was brought up, was it the right way? should i be implementing this on my own children if i ever haf any? i feel the MASSIVE lack of apparent love i feel from my family, directly and also indirectly i feel. tt's the reason why i guess i go to my peers for guidance and support, but really, no friend, no matter how close u are, is able to be there for u 24-7 man. and i noe tt too! and it really sucks the fact tt u noe everyone will grow up and become more distant from u as they start their own families and you start losing contact with all ur friends. will i have my own family? will i retire peacefully?
so many things in my mind right now, so many steps to take.. i'd tell myself to juz stop tinking now and do everythin rationally cuz i stil haf time to take everythin step by step. but, i feel tt im not takin the first step now. DAMN!
i want to say tt i need some reassurance now but come to tin of it, i feel tt it might not be reassurance but rather someone to juz tell me TO WAKE UP!
but i don want to be dependent, i noe the solution to that but.. wat should i do now?

YES. I SHALL STOP TINKING NOW.

Lantern Festival!

In the light of the recent mooncake and lantern festival , my dance troupe have organised an event for AMK Pri and we had so much stuff selling and face painting and all. We managed to reach our target of funds that we wanted to hit so we were overall satisfied. i never thot tt actually asking ppl to pay for face painting for their children could actually make money.. if only i can charge for every painting i do whenever i go for events, tin i can be rich la..anyways the event was really successful, tiring.. but realy worth it la ( there's this stupid flying ant which keeps on comin onto my comp table as i type this entry, so irritated)
More imptly, me and my other frens had our own lantern festival celebs. 1stly, me, taufiq, maria and haslinda had free tickets to chinese garden lantern display so we headed on down to chinese garden to look at huge lanterns, nothing much la but we did haf fun in each other's company. and finally the rest of them got to feel wat it feels like to travel sooooo far away to go hm from chinese garden. i tin i reached hm like in 15 mins after they left to took the train, haa..
other than tt, me rau and maria had our very own lantern festival at a corner of Fort Cannning Park. it was actually at the spur of the moment that we thot of doin this as i was lookin for some stuff for my mid-autumn festival at AMK Pri wen they said they wanted to play w lanterns, so we did. 'twas really great as we found a nice li'l to ourselves as we were lighting up all those lanterns and nobody was there to disturb us. (now then i noe they actually built a long escalator tt leads up to Fort Canning, might as well make all the way) we had so much fun and i missed hanging out with Raudhah! i miss that girl man.. since she got together w Yazid, we havent been able to meet up with her much so we really enjoyed her company tt night. i stil rmbr those times wen we used to hang out alot. we had all our creative juices that night and there was no holds barred kinda celebration that we had that night. we felt like we were in poly once again.
hope we can do it again sometime soon.. :)
and miss maria actually bought this tube of jelly thingy for me. it looks like hair gel and its called 'oobz toobz'. super sinful thing to eat and ure cautioned to try it only wen ure low on energy, if not ull be super hyperactive once u haf it (like me wen i had tons of it tt night. all thx to maria.. and we squeezed it into our mouth cuz i had this idea tt it looks like blood, haa. right? right?