Few things that's on my mind

Whilst writing my entries for the last 2 countries tt i went to, i've decided to write about some stuff tt ive been feelin for the past 2 months.

1stly, i was practically jobless even though i was travellin around SEA like a rich man but really, im broke, its not funny, really. come to realise, as much as u'd wasnt to deny it but i really tin tt ur income is somethin tt's very important in life. especially i tin in s'pore. everythin has a value on it. how shallow can we be. man.h

recently ive been thinking abt how i live my life and my personality. ive found out tt im actually quite good talking to people and giving a good first impression, whatever impressions thy get after tt i guess most of the time, might not be the same. which might not mean a gd thing actually. well tt's if the person cares to even listen to me in the first place la. which directs my attention to something tt i heard the other day on the radio, about being someone who tells everyone everything about yourself and sometimes i tin i tend to do tt. and sometimes u become so transparent to other people that you become boring cuz of the fact tt everyone knows everything about you oready. there's no more surprise, there's no more mystery in me.

which makes me conclude why i tin most people actually want to be my close friends but none of them ever wants to go over that line. like go to the next lvl. cuz maybe im juz not tt kinda material. im like the shoulder to cry on, the

one to go to if ur relaitionship goes wrong. or if u need help or advise about some mishap in your life. but never the one tt u can sit down next to and just be quiet and juz love me for who i am. here i am being emo in the middle of 2am in s'pore. this is what being jobless makes you. ok im not tt free but i juz feel like typing stuff tonight k? i keep talkin abt other countries, im kinda bored.

ive looked back at my life and i see that i fell i havent been receiving a lot of love coming from my family. the way i was brought up, everything was so disciplined and i grew up as a good boy who'd do everythin according to how my parents wanted it that i became such a nerd. i never knew how to talk about my feelings to anyone when i was younger and never got to practice at hm with my family. cuz of tt i took to telling my school frenz about wat was on my mind and my philosophies to life. tin i started wen i was in PJC. they even chose me to participate in the class debate. then i realised my gift of the gap, haha.

which makes me tin even more... should i really be looking at design as my full time job and the rest of my life? will i be able to compete or even keep in par with the rest of the designers? i duno. sometimes i really doubt myself. but me, juz being myself, most of the time i tend not to show that weak side of me. i always like to present myself

as very confident and very assuring, so that the people around me feel confident abt me too. well, i'd say most ppl who are like tt are actually amongst the most insecure ppl in the world. they use this as a cover so tt ppl are not able to see their true weaknesses. and these ppl actually always appear as arrogant at 1st impression.

tt's wat some ppl tin of me actually before they meet me. as long as i don smile, ppl will tend to haf the impression tt im kinda stand-offish. ive tried lookin at myself in the mirror before, and i agree. haha. but then i tin most ppl actually change their mind when they actually start talkin to me. having tt kinda look can actually work quite well also sometimes u noe.

so my purposeless life carries on as i try to convince ppl tt im the best they can find around and then suffer in silence by myself. well, having lived my life like tt for the past 22 years... i tin i should be able to handle myself.

this is wat having too much time on your hands does to you>>>>>>>>>>>

mebbe i should think about straightening my hair...