lifeofanappletoe

You're my first and last love~~

2010-01-26T07:12:00.000-08:00

sebelumnya tak ada yang mampu

mengajarku untuk bertahan
jikala sedih

sebelumnya ku ikat hatiku
hanya untuk aku seorang
sekarang kau disini hilang rasanya
semua bimbang tangis kesepian

Chorus:
kau buat aku bertanya
kau buat aku mencari
tentang rasa ini
aku tak mengerti
akankah sama jadinya
bila bukan kamu
lalu senyummu menyadarkanku
kau cinta pertama dan terakhirku

sebelumnya tak mudah bagiku
tertawa sendiri di kehidupan
yang gelap ini

sebelumnya rasanya tak perlu
membagi kisahku saat ada yang mengerti
sekarang kau disini hilang rasanya
semua bimbang tangis kesepian

Chorus:
kau buat aku bertanya
kau buat aku mencari
tentang rasa ini
aku tak mengerti
akankah sama jadinya
bila bukan kamu
lalu senyummu menyadarkanku
kau cinta pertama dan terakhirku

bila suatu saat kau harus pergi
jangan paksa aku tuk cari yang lebih baik
karena senyummu menyadarkanku
kaulah cinta pertama dan terakhirku

Chorus:
kau buat aku bertanya
kau buat aku mencari
tentang rasa ini
aku tak mengerti
akankah sama jadinya
bila bukan kamu
lalu senyummu menyadarkanku
kau cinta pertama dan terakhirku

By : Sherina
Lagu : Cinta Pertama dan Terakhir

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5H3MNfo9uro

Finally transition phase...

2009-07-25T03:45:00.000-07:00

Oh wow, i never thought this day would come but yea, finally its here. going to NIE next tuesday, one last day of teaching in corporation primary school on monday. well its been a really good experience but knowing me, a man of change, i really needed a change of scenery, haha. alot of tchers haf mentioned tt NIE would be our holiday time. so hopefully it doesn't disappoint me.

I'm really gonna miss my students man, especially my 4.4 students who ive taught for the past 6 months, as much as they made me angry, dont do my word, irritate me in the classroom, i really am gonna miss them when i leanve for NIE. never thought that there would be students who would cry for me when i leave la.. especially my most notorious boy. i was so touched wen one of the mums actually sent me an sms of encouragement. i really didn't expect that. well, most importantly, i really hope that they'll improve by the end of this year. all their grades and hopefully all of them will pass with flying colors. looking at it, they seem more motivated with the new teachers so i really wish them all the best. all my prayers got out to them.

i've feeling that i might not ever get to feel like this anymore in the future when it gets stale, but i guess this was the main reason why i'd gone into teaching in the first place. to be able to haf made an impact in other peoples' lives in a positive manner. i really hope they rmbr those advices that i've given them, but 10-yr-olds u noe... well im really thankful for all the teachers also actually (most of them at least) its been a really good journey in my life so far and im proud of myself for most of the things which ive done in the school. well, all i can do now is juz hope for the best in my next journey... NIE HERE I COME!

where has appletoe disappeared to?

2009-03-11T10:22:00.000-07:00

i havent been here for awhile have i? well, ive been really busy with alot of stuff.
ive started a new job as a tcher now.. life's been really busy.
thinking about school 24-7.. but everything's more or less fine.
i'd rather be super busy then super free, keeps me on the toes..
til my toes get numb easily nowadays.. no thanks to wearing shoes the whole day,
and walking around. as much as the kids drain ur energy, they make me feel energised too.
(so ironic) as much as i wanna say i have the hang of things now, i don really.. trying my darndest
though, but sometimes i wish i can give more...

alot has been happening since the last time i wrote, and alot has not been happening, like gg for
dance training on sats, haha. as i said, really busy. at least i feel more stable now in terms of
financially. hopefully ill get to go NIE this July, if all goes well.

what kind of person have i become? more organised, better at muli-tasking? more irritable?
well, i hope im able to provide a good future for these kids im teaching. hope they dont turn out
to be idiotic individuals who disrupt the lives of other people, and became failures in life.
seriously i never saw the amount of work a tcher has to do man. FREAKING ALOT! and i don
even think im doin the full load yet. dammit. canteen food's really cheap. but im frequenting
POPULAR alot nowadays.. i wanna get a bike. hopefully by this month. cant wait! transport would be not much of a worry after tt.. can stay out late.

ok, i tin i should go to sleep now. if not cant wake up tmr, need energy to entertain these kids.. haha ok til nnext time!

Am I thinking too much?

2008-09-18T10:53:00.000-07:00

I've not been working full time for quite awhile now, actually ive never worked full time, haha. but then i feel my brains not being put to work other than whenever I'm being put in a situation where i have to think on the spot whenever i have to lead dance class for students, last min. i don like that feeling. im a planner you see?
so at this point of my life, i feel like ive got a lot space in my head to think about a lot of things. about life, about the things happening around me and stuff, it's not very good to be honest.
in alot of my friendships that i haf so far i feel that i have always been the advisor, im not sayin tt its not a gd thing la cuz i like to be the giver, but then sometimes i want to be on the receiving end too. and having listened to soo many relationship and life problems from my frenz.. i feel that i learned alot of stuff and im very grateful of it. but the bad thing that i see to it is the fact tt i tend to 2nd guess myself whenever i face problems in life. like ill face a problem and then i somehow will noe the root of the problem but its juz tt it doesnt make it fun anymore tt u get to noe how to fix it in the first place, it makes it too easy. and u feel like u haf a longing to hear it from someone else other then urself, the feelin really sucks.
i feel very confused right now, i dun even understand wat im talkin abt anymore!
im so pissed at myself for being so fickle minded and trying to be righteous abt trying to help everyone else in their lives that i neglected my own. ive always tot to myself, 'who cares about wat other ppl think? the onli person i can trust and the only person tt loves me is myself'.
i duno wat my future holds for me , well i guess nobody does but then now i feel tt ive no direction at all. i need someone to just come up to me and just slap me now, to wake me up. i feel tt ppl have been giving me support and telling me i can be succesful in everything tt i try to do so much so that i tin ive become complacent man. i don feel the drive anymore that challenges face me i don even feel like trying to overcome it anymore. ive lost my DRIVE!
ive been tinking abt the way tt i was brought up, was it the right way? should i be implementing this on my own children if i ever haf any? i feel the MASSIVE lack of apparent love i feel from my family, directly and also indirectly i feel. tt's the reason why i guess i go to my peers for guidance and support, but really, no friend, no matter how close u are, is able to be there for u 24-7 man. and i noe tt too! and it really sucks the fact tt u noe everyone will grow up and become more distant from u as they start their own families and you start losing contact with all ur friends. will i have my own family? will i retire peacefully?
so many things in my mind right now, so many steps to take.. i'd tell myself to juz stop tinking now and do everythin rationally cuz i stil haf time to take everythin step by step. but, i feel tt im not takin the first step now. DAMN!
i want to say tt i need some reassurance now but come to tin of it, i feel tt it might not be reassurance but rather someone to juz tell me TO WAKE UP!
but i don want to be dependent, i noe the solution to that but.. wat should i do now?

YES. I SHALL STOP TINKING NOW.

Lantern Festival!

2008-09-15T11:43:00.000-07:00

In the light of the recent mooncake and lantern festival , my dance troupe have organised an event for AMK Pri and we had so much stuff selling and face painting and all. We managed to reach our target of funds that we wanted to hit so we were overall satisfied. i never thot tt actually asking ppl to pay for face painting for their children could actually make money.. if only i can charge for every painting i do whenever i go for events, tin i can be rich la..anyways the event was really successful, tiring.. but realy worth it la ( there's this stupid flying ant which keeps on comin onto my comp table as i type this entry, so irritated)
More imptly, me and my other frens had our own lantern festival celebs. 1stly, me, taufiq, maria and haslinda had free tickets to chinese garden lantern display so we headed on down to chinese garden to look at huge lanterns, nothing much la but we did haf fun in each other's company. and finally the rest of them got to feel wat it feels like to travel sooooo far away to go hm from chinese garden. i tin i reached hm like in 15 mins after they left to took the train, haa..
other than tt, me rau and maria had our very own lantern festival at a corner of Fort Cannning Park. it was actually at the spur of the moment that we thot of doin this as i was lookin for some stuff for my mid-autumn festival at AMK Pri wen they said they wanted to play w lanterns, so we did. 'twas really great as we found a nice li'l to ourselves as we were lighting up all those lanterns and nobody was there to disturb us. (now then i noe they actually built a long escalator tt leads up to Fort Canning, might as well make all the way) we had so much fun and i missed hanging out with Raudhah! i miss that girl man.. since she got together w Yazid, we havent been able to meet up with her much so we really enjoyed her company tt night. i stil rmbr those times wen we used to hang out alot. we had all our creative juices that night and there was no holds barred kinda celebration that we had that night. we felt like we were in poly once again.
hope we can do it again sometime soon.. :)
and miss maria actually bought this tube of jelly thingy for me. it looks like hair gel and its called 'oobz toobz'. super sinful thing to eat and ure cautioned to try it only wen ure low on energy, if not ull be super hyperactive once u haf it (like me wen i had tons of it tt night. all thx to maria.. and we squeezed it into our mouth cuz i had this idea tt it looks like blood, haa. right? right?

Wat's been happening?

2008-08-19T23:11:00.000-07:00

I've just quit my job as a graphic designer. Undesirable workplace i tell u.
ok i maybe complaining or a bit fussy but then really, u muz really go thru it to really noe wat i mean.
im kinda sick now to talk abt it so i shan't.
now its the 7th month so alot of burnin haf been taking place, even around my office.
i juz cant stand the fact tt they're burning all over the footpaths.
doesnt create air pollution and also vandalize public property.
i juz don understand.
i found this picture of underwear sizes, i tin its damn cute and funny.
it's true but i don tin its cuz of global warming. haha.
this is for doing research and getting my inspiration for my designs for the past month.
my company had this big, messy warehouse place where they stored all the stuff for events.
i went there once at night to unlaod some stuff and i tell u tt place it NOT a gd place to be at night all by urself.
gives me the creeps.
so now i shall go back into teaching dance and ive applied into NIE to become a teacher.
being in contact with all these people who are younger than me, i find tt i actually tin i haf the knack to handle them.
fulfilling one my biggest dreams tt is to become an educator of the lives of the future.
sounds big but i guess i haf to start somewhere right?
at least in the wkends ill be free and i can stil do my photog and videog weddings stuff.
extra income on the side $$.
lookin back, i feel tt wen i went overseas in the recent months to SEA was a really enriching experience for me.
really once in a lifetime.
at least i got to see a small fraction of how the education systems work in the other countries, and how the students and teachers in s'pore are faring compared to the region.
we arent tt bad after all and it actually has quite a slight destructive effect to the influence tt kids get nowadays.
being over stressed about getting gd grades, pleasing parents, and getting high paper qualifications,
tt we lose sight of doing wat we really like juz by trying to satisfy everybody around us.
well, i guess tt's the culture tt we've been brought up in s'pore.
therefore im grateful for everythin tt ive seen and experience in my life so far and awaiting for more adventures.
im also very grateful to all my close frens who haf been there for me all this while.
whether when i was overseas or they are.
nobody could replace them.
they'll always be in my prayers.
lemme leave you with a pop art of this particular fren of mine!

My new job..

2008-08-02T23:47:00.000-07:00

I've been working as a graphic designer for the past 3 weeks, for an events company.
Yeah, finally i got a job and pending to go into full time.
Basically, kinda bao ka liao la my job, everything my boss needs, ill haf to do it.
Been thinking a lot about whether i wanna continue working there after 1 month, but then i really have a lot of doubts.
Just really not my cup of tea.
Originally i thought that my previous job in the production industry was not my cup of tea but then lemme tell u that this one is actually worse.
A lot of times i feel that my boss thinks i can do magic, asking me to do rather impossible stuff and then, blames me for everything.
Just within this one month of working there I've already experienced so many dislikes about him and how he runs the company.
Frankly, i tin i'd say there isnt much space and leeway given to me to let me learn and discover myself there.
Too fast-paced for me and he wants to take my dance away from me.
I think overall, that sucks the most.
I cant believe that at the previous event, he badmouthed me in front of everybody, making me look like some fool or some failure in front of people who I don't even know.
How often is it that an employer can just blame one person for everything that goes wrong?
Really bad working bad environment... Think after this one month of working there i'll be gg back to teaching part time at pri and sec sch students.
And then consider going back into production cuz even if im very busy with work during production, at least i feel that i stil have a life.
i guess tt's the thing abt me and living my life to the fullest, i cannot just be doing one thing in life, ive to really embrace and i feel doing this, im not able to embrace anything.
i cant even meet my frenz for heavens sake.
this is not the kind of life for me.
well some people may believe in working hard and making lots of money for their future but then i tin there's no point in torturing one's self to do that. really no point i think.
ive been thinking about a certain phenomemum tt's happening in s'pore.
u noe how older, more experienced people always say that young people nowadays dont seem to be contributing alot in terms of creativity or the expansion of s'pore in terms of development?
the conclusion i came up with was the fact tt THESE OLD PEOPLE and so-called more experienced people are not allowing us to take things into our own hands.
to let us run the show because their afraid they might lose face.
i don believe that they didnt make their own mistakes when they started off...
they juz want us to do everything their way and follow their direction, so young people like us juz follow suit and eventually juz stick to the old ways that things have always been done.
wat's gonna happen to us man?
and quoting from wat my boss says, HK seems to be so far ahead of singapore and he juz don understand why...
well here's ur explanation up there! haha

i guess im juz being bitter abt everythin la but i guess i just needed to get all of it out...
haiz... i miss dancing..

Had beens and has beens..

2008-07-20T08:37:00.000-07:00

I've finally settled down back in mainland singapore... after sooo much of travelling and stuff. been a really gd experience and all but it's time now for mr appletoe to come back to reality.
since i was back i was painstakingly looking for a job for myself. and let me tell u tt it isn't really that easy to get a job even though u've a diploma. after so long of looking for one...
i've stumbled across one! all thx to maria. im workin now as a graphic designer at an events company called Sonamyang. been working there for a wk now and so far so gd. i juz don like the fact tt i haf to be sitting in front of a computer for the whole day. i jus like to be out there doin things. the tiredness pays off and i'll feel i'd had done somethin for the day. luckily i can stil take mornin dance lessons. at least i can stil see my wonderful cute kids on wed mornings before i go to work. my sec sch students on tue n thurs are diff though. but i tin its a just a teenagers phase of life tt everyone goes thru. i noe wat it feels like so i noe wat they're gg thru now. i tin really, everyone should juz act their age. nobody should try to grow up faster than they're s'posed to. u'll really regret it i feel.
as long and as far as i've lived my life i feel tt i've always been living at tt age of mine (and sometimes younger too) so i guess no regrets. i've lived a life of very few regrets and i feel tt everythin happens for a reason. ok im getting really philosophical now but then i guess tt's jus me. sometimes i get worried if ppl will eventually get bored of me. cuz i tell alot of ppl alot abt myself tt i feel there isnt much of a surprise anymore.. but anyhoe.. at least im doin wat i want to do in my life now. working stable, teaching, dancing and enjoying the company of my frenz (even tho most of them are overseas now) so ill juz make do with wat i have for now..

Myanmar 18th – 20thJune

2008-07-01T23:06:00.000-07:00

We almost weren't able to enter into Myanmar cuz of Cyclone Nargis, furthermore with all our equipment, but we still managed to thanks to some higher power. In Myanmar we cant use our phones so we had an escort to follow us all around wherever we go. Mr Sim, from the Singapore Embassy. He didn't seem very happy that he was actually supposed to accompany us everywhere we go for the next 3 days we were there. Actually, he wasn't really happy with a lot of things actually. Well, no matter, we'll just have to entertain ourselves and pretend like we have no host, as what we've done at some of our previous countries. Got a hint from him that the people in Myanmar were quite shy, so it wasnt really good to hear for me and Damien actually.
The aftermath of the cyclone tragedy could actually be seen as we were traveling over to our hotel. Fallen trees, broken fences, abandoned homes. But more or less, as we learned from our driver, life Myanmar has somewhat gone back to normal, or rather, they're trying to work towards living life the same as before. Where we stayed at, our hotel, was really in the middle of nowhere. Everywhere surrounding us, was dilapidated houses and lots of rubbish piles. As expected, Damien went round taking pictures and he did come back with some great ones. Very good photo opportunity. Dinner that night was at the hotel's cafe itself as there wasnt really much places to go to eat where we stayed.
Next morning, back to work. The first school we went to held it in a very big school hall-ish kind of place. Then the school headmaster approached me and pointed out this big hole at the roof of the place. He said that that was caused by the cyclone. Imagine, part of the ceiling coming down towards you as you're sitting there. Scary. Halfway through the events, i realized that most of the children were very good at using paints for their art pieces, and some of them really awed me when i saw how skillful they were at their age. But one problem that arose was the fact that works couldn't dry fast enough. So after awhile you see the whole hall packed with people as you see the parents of the children coming in to help their children fan at their paintings. I really could sense the closeness of the family evident in the Myanmese families. Really inspiring.
We didn't really spend that long at in Myanmar as our Visas only lasted a week. In total, only 3 days that we spent there. We went to the Shweddagon Pagoda, apparently built about 2,500 yrs ago! But then thanks to cyclone, some of the tips of the temples were broken off and there was construction going on to rebuild the whole place again. I was telling Damien that we might never be able to capture the Pagoda in this state, so i told him to take more pictures. We then bumped into this cute little boy there. Apparently he was one of the students that attended one of our school sessions. So cute la he, such a coincidence. One thing i must mention is the fact tt our driver was really hospitable. He brought everywhere and told us everything. Even brought us to his house where his youngest daughter was actually celebrating her b'dae. And then Pete gave her crayons as a present and she was really happy. She wanted to pursue fashion design in the future, but i really dunno whether she was gonna be able to pursue that looking at the situation over there.
On the last day we paid a visit to a Myanmese Master Artist called U Lun Gywe. He was 78 yrs old and he was actually good friends with none other than our S'pore president. He had so many inspiring words to say about his many years as an artist. Imagine, 78 YEARS OLD! The interesting thing was the fact that actually his whole family was all artists. His son, daughter in law, wife, grand daughter and even his 3 yrs old grandson! This boy has the potential for great things to be able to start exploring his creative talent at such a young age. One of the things that is really worth mentioning is the fact that a big part of your life is influenced by his parents, because of the fact that they are the first people that you meet and you see them from birth. Therefore a lot of your life is influenced by them.
Finally we were waiting for the flight back to S'pore on our last day, and it got delayed for 2 hours. So we had to sit there doing nothing in the middle of Myanmar airport as it had no commodities in there. Only one makeshift table stall selling coffee, tea and some snacks, pathetic.
When i reached s'pore it was so late, ther was no more train anymore so i decided to stay overnight at the airport's viewing gallery and wait til the first train. Had to rush for dance training after that in a few hours so had to rush back on first train, shower, change, sleep for one hour and go for training. Was late, but i couldnt miss it. I miss dancing! Haha. Glad to be back..

Philippines 15th – 17thJune

2008-07-01T22:45:00.000-07:00

We're back to the last leg of the tour and now we've arrived in The Philippines. Was actually really wondering what this country would look like and now I do. Kinda modernized actually. Overall i feel, kinda mixed up country. Mixed of rags and riches. As you travel along the streets of the phils, you'll see some old school buildings and then right beside you'll see a totally new building like a famous fast food restaurant or a branded retail store. Very mixed up ideas. Apparently there's a lot of Spanish influence here. The language and the names. Very Spanish-like.

On the 1^st day, we went to this 'Taka' kind of place, it's called 'Greenbelt'. Had 4 diff towers and branded outlets all around. Apparently it's newly-built. Most people in the phils are Catholic, so on arrival of the shopping center, we were greeted by this outdoor Sunday mass where there were a lot of people gathered to listen to this priest and offered prayers. What a sight. We then started mixing around with some locals and found out that they were such nice people. And then i also found out tt they take English as a 2^nd language here so language wasn't really a problem. Our dinner was at this place called, 'Teriyaki boyz' as we didn't know what local cuisine to try yet so we juz settled with Jap food. Cheap and nice i guess.

When we reached our hotel, i was amazed by the amount of good service that they showed us, very energetic, very cheerful. And we saw that the security over here is really tight. The shopping malls had guards at every exit even the 7-11 had one on duty there. Dunno what's up with this country also man. By far this was the hotel that was the most spacious compared to the rest of the countries. Luxurious. And because 'twas a sunday that we arrived there, because of the fact that our place was in the business district, it was like a desert town. Th families were all at home and nobody would be travelling at the business district on a sunday. When i asked reception whether it'd be the same the next morning, she said, 'Oh no'. Her point was proven the next morning.

We were greeted by this heavy flow of traffic on the road that was right in front of our place. At the school we were greeted by a very hyperactive group of students and teachers. In the phils, there's a saying that everyone there knows how to sing very well. So we were greeted by a doxology, a song of prayers and also dance items. Really interesting to see a touch of their culture. And you can really tell they tt they put in effort in preparing all these nice performances for us. In the 2^nd school we were actually brought to this model house. Apparently this house was made for their Home Economics lessons where the students are required to know the diff parts of the house and also know how to upkeep the house. It had the full package, toilet, living rm. Dining rm, kitchen and there was where we were served their local food. One of it looked like mee goreng and there was salad. And then this soft round thingy that was coated with coconut flakes. All tasted not bad, partly cause we were quite hungry actually, haha.

I was talking to this t'cher who was asking me whether so far anyone mistook me for Filipino, then i said yes. And i asked her another question, 'do i look like filipino cause of my skin color or do i haf the features too?'. Then she said i had all the features too. Haiz... when will it ever stop?

In thailand there is the tuk-tuk, in the phils there is the jeepney. Apparently modified from this very old military jeeps which were left in the phils a long time ago. Now they are very nicely decorated and they serve as a main source of public transport there, as mini buses, very widely utilized. We were then brought by Claire (translator from S'pore Embassy) and Mr Lum Bert (Arts and Dance representative of Philippines) to these few very old buildings. Old cathedrals and old spanish buildings which might crumble at any pt of time. It was really like a walk down history as we were walking in those places. They were really great tour guides and kept on saying that it was such a waste that we were there only for a short time if not they would have been able to show us more. Claire was sharing with me about the different types of dances that the different parts of the phils was practising. The north (stingy), central (rich and generous) and the south (stand-off). Their characters all showed in the way they dance with their hands. I'd definitely wanna come back and witness their traditional folk dances.

Philippines i felt was a country full of its culture and the arts. Even though their library was very old, their walls were liked with artworks and paintings that it didnt look very old at all. It looked beautiful. We were then treated to more local food that evening and then we were given a taste of their so-called delicacy, 'Balut Saputi'. It's actually a hard-boiled egg which had a one-day old embryo growing in it. I was forced to eat it with Claire but i was totally disgusted by the idea. The taste was ok but looking at it and knowing that this chick could have been born into a chicken if i hadnt eaten it, made me turned off.

Made our way to Baseco after that, a small built-up village for a big group of Filipinos who were made homeless due to a recent disaster. Their homes were actually funded by overseas Filipino workers who gave donations for them to have a home to live in. To just see the joy that we were able to bring to them in that evening makes one feel very warm inside. To know that even though they were living in such a harsh condition, there were grateful enough to welcome everythin that anyone was willing to share with them and they still lived a happy life with their families, neighbours and friends. Wished i could have done more to help them.

I'm definitely coming back to The Philippines.

2008-06-30T23:13:00.000-07:00

This is wat happens when u haf nothing better to
do on a weekday afternoon.

Few things that's on my mind

2008-06-26T11:18:00.000-07:00

Whilst writing my entries for the last 2 countries tt i went to, i've decided to write about some stuff tt ive been feelin for the past 2 months.

1stly, i was practically jobless even though i was travellin around SEA like a rich man but really, im broke, its not funny, really. come to realise, as much as u'd wasnt to deny it but i really tin tt ur income is somethin tt's very important in life. especially i tin in s'pore. everythin has a value on it. how shallow can we be. man.h

recently ive been thinking abt how i live my life and my personality. ive found out tt im actually quite good talking to people and giving a good first impression, whatever impressions thy get after tt i guess most of the time, might not be the same. which might not mean a gd thing actually. well tt's if the person cares to even listen to me in the first place la. which directs my attention to something tt i heard the other day on the radio, about being someone who tells everyone everything about yourself and sometimes i tin i tend to do tt. and sometimes u become so transparent to other people that you become boring cuz of the fact tt everyone knows everything about you oready. there's no more surprise, there's no more mystery in me.

which makes me conclude why i tin most people actually want to be my close friends but none of them ever wants to go over that line. like go to the next lvl. cuz maybe im juz not tt kinda material. im like the shoulder to cry on, the

one to go to if ur relaitionship goes wrong. or if u need help or advise about some mishap in your life. but never the one tt u can sit down next to and just be quiet and juz love me for who i am. here i am being emo in the middle of 2am in s'pore. this is what being jobless makes you. ok im not tt free but i juz feel like typing stuff tonight k? i keep talkin abt other countries, im kinda bored.

ive looked back at my life and i see that i fell i havent been receiving a lot of love coming from my family. the way i was brought up, everything was so disciplined and i grew up as a good boy who'd do everythin according to how my parents wanted it that i became such a nerd. i never knew how to talk about my feelings to anyone when i was younger and never got to practice at hm with my family. cuz of tt i took to telling my school frenz about wat was on my mind and my philosophies to life. tin i started wen i was in PJC. they even chose me to participate in the class debate. then i realised my gift of the gap, haha.

which makes me tin even more... should i really be looking at design as my full time job and the rest of my life? will i be able to compete or even keep in par with the rest of the designers? i duno. sometimes i really doubt myself. but me, juz being myself, most of the time i tend not to show that weak side of me. i always like to present myself

as very confident and very assuring, so that the people around me feel confident abt me too. well, i'd say most ppl who are like tt are actually amongst the most insecure ppl in the world. they use this as a cover so tt ppl are not able to see their true weaknesses. and these ppl actually always appear as arrogant at 1st impression.

tt's wat some ppl tin of me actually before they meet me. as long as i don smile, ppl will tend to haf the impression tt im kinda stand-offish. ive tried lookin at myself in the mirror before, and i agree. haha. but then i tin most ppl actually change their mind when they actually start talkin to me. having tt kinda look can actually work quite well also sometimes u noe.

so my purposeless life carries on as i try to convince ppl tt im the best they can find around and then suffer in silence by myself. well, having lived my life like tt for the past 22 years... i tin i should be able to handle myself.

this is wat having too much time on your hands does to you>>>>>>>>>>>

mebbe i should think about straightening my hair...

Cambodia 28th - 30th May

2008-06-09T18:59:00.000-07:00

My 1^st impression of Cambodia was quite surprising for me. The airport was very modern and nicely furnished. I think it's just me not knowing about Cambodia well enough. There was this English-speaking Tuk-tuk driver waiting outside out hotel building who was telling us that Phnom Penh has become a tourist destination, I think mainly because of it's recent troubled past of the Khmer Rouge in 1975-1979. He was also saying about 10 years ago it'd be unsafe to be walking around in the night there but now its fine. Most things have stabled now and most locals have actually took advantage of the tourists coming to earn some money for their survival. You do see people who suffered during those violent times, how they have become handicapped coming out of the incident and also the children who were born handicapped who are trying to make a living out of selling things to tourists on the streets. In Cambodia, whenever crossing the streets, you have to brave. Don't look at oncoming traffic as you can never expect a stop to the flow of traffic over there. You just have to cross and then all the vehicles (bikes especially) will swerve around you as you cross the road. Wat I'll tell people is that if you took a picture of somebody whilst crossing the road, you'll see him surrounded by vehicles to his left, right, front and back.

One thing I realized about the hotel that we were staying at was the fact that it was right beside the Tonle Sap River. After looking at some local maps and history books, I realized that this river was connected to Mekong River, the exact river that we were staying beside in Laos. Apparently these 2 rivers play a very important role in the economy in Thailand, Laos and Cambodia for a long time, for the fishermen especially. And another thing was also the fact that along the bank of the Tonle Sap river was the varying flags of nations of the world. Every flag signifying the existence of that country's embassy in Cambodia. The hotel where we were staying at was call the FCC, Foreign Corespondents' Club. Therefore the presence of a lot of tourists walking all around us.

Good fate brought us to meet this Tuk-Tuk driver who knew how to speak English, Makarra. He brought us to this temple on a hill but on the way a bunch of children by the street caught our eyes. It was a group of children barely even the age of 5 playing amongst themselves by the roadside. Pete decided to let them try coloring with crayons. It seemed like this was the first they've ever used crayons to use to color on a piece of paper. The first girl that used it, was staring at it (crayon) for a short while wondering, before continuing to color. It is evident in their faces that they we were elated to have received the drawings from Pete. When they went back home. They were shouting and jumping for joy all the way in to their houses. I think it was quite meaningful for those children that a total stranger just came up to them, gave them things and also gave them an opportunity to use crayons, something they might not had the opportunity to experience.

Makarra served to be an inspiration to me as he had this analogy of life and his big dreams. He wanted to study hard the next year and finish his degree about culture, history and traditions and eventually become a tour guide in Cambodia. The thing that was so inspiring for him was the fact that he had to work so hard everyday to earn that little money to help support his family of 4 siblings. And then also to save up for his degree. Even though he was working so hard and was so tired everyday, he wasn't feeling down about it. He was very happy to be able to meet and learn from tourists everyday and be able to chase his own dreams. This showed that in no matter what kind of situation you're in, as you're passionate about something and are willing to work hard for it, anything is achievable.

I was being asked the magic question again, 1^st thing the next morning, 'Are you Cambodian?'. A little bit expected that eventually someone will ask me that over in this country. We were ending this leg of this trip soon so our spirits were up even though we were tired from all those working and traveling.

Either Phnom Penh was really small or it just so happens the school were close to our hotel but when we were in Cambodia, we took very little time to reach the places we were going to. The longest, 20 mins. Which was a very big difference, especially compared to Indonesia. Part of the fact could be thanks to the driver because he knew the roads very well and he was very helpful too. Even knew how to set-up our stuff on stage. Despite the fact that he couldn't speak much English, he still pulled through for us.

Overall Cambodia was a relaxed experience for us as lesser time was taken up for traveling. The people there were nice and the children there were very cute. Very responsive to cameras even though they could barely speak English. Very rewarding experience and a good ending country to this leg of our tour.

Vietnam 25th - 27th May

2008-06-08T09:54:00.000-07:00

At this point of time it became kind of confusing on how many countries we've actually been to so far. On the brink of almost forgetting which country we are at almost. We just wanted a break and some rest from stuff. We heard that it was dangerous to go out at night in Hanoi at night. But to me, it is only dangerous if you think it is dangerous. It's very psychological how you scare yourself into thinking what is reality. I didn't really wanted to risk it because I had my camera equipment with me. Rather not risk it. This was the first country where most of the locals were fair-skinned so that was why Pete was mistaken to be local, finally not me. Which made me come to the conclusion that there wasn't a lot of sun in Vietnam, thus the majority of fair-skinned people.

We went to this non-profit school called 'Blue Dragon' which is supported by World Vision and opened by 2 Australian, Michael and some other person. The reason why it's called that is because actually Vietnam is shaped like a dragon, Hanoi being the tail and Saigon being the head. It was even interesting how they came up with the logo because how they came up with the logo was through the many drawings of dragons done by many different children of the school. The other person in charge on that day was called, Binh. These 2 people were I think one of the few most benevolent people in the people I knew as they have such good intentions of trying to help out these Vietnamese school drop-outs. Instead of just letting them waste their lives away at home, they offer knowledge and life skills for these young people so they learn something that might be useful for them in the future. You can really tell that these children are really happy to be there and that these children really treasure the things they learn there and they seem like one big happy family. I feel that its good that these children are given the opportunity to know what it feels like to have someone care about your growth in education and allow them to realise and pursue their dreams. I think it's really big of them to want to start up this school for the Vietnamese children and want to improve their lives. Makes you think that it is a much more worthwhile cause to spend your money on rather than just yourself. I might want to come back to visit them again and maybe share some of my knowledge because I've always enjoyed being a teacher and being able to share my my knowledge with the younger generations.

We had an interpreter following us, he was an English teacher in University, called Tuanh. He was a natural comedian and he was practically taking over the show from Pete as he was helping him translate. I think he was putting in his own jokes as the children were all laughing whilst he was talking. Tuanh shared us a lot of insight regarding the education system in Vietnam. How the teachers didn't have a system to improve the teaching standards and how teachers don't see the need to nurture the children to become good adults rather than just to input information into their brains. And he was comparing it to Singapore's education system where the teachers here would have bonding sessions and sharing sessions to learn from each other so that they will be able to improve their styles of teaching. Somehow I agree that some teachers, even in Singapore don't see the importance of their roles in making sure that instead of just planting facts into the heads of children, they have to nurture traits like discipline and respect for the elders. They play a significant part to what they eventually turn into as adults.

What I liked about the Viet schools was the places that we brought to in the schools. One was in a courtyard, where there were these humongous trees which provide shade for the children to sit around on small plastic stools and carry own with their activities. I'd love to study in that kind of environment. Next was actually the school canteen where rearranged all the tables and chairs so that all the students would face the front and neatly- arranged.

Thailand 22nd - 24th May

2008-06-08T09:11:00.000-07:00

We arrived in 'The Land of a Thousand Smiles' and we had to go straight to work the next day. The 1^st meal we had in Thai was excellent and was very satisfying. It was a very good welcome for us to Thailand. Of all the countries which I didn't understand their languages I'd say I understand the most. Well, I could at least say, “Mai Kao Jai” which means 'Don't Understand'. Which I happily use on everyone that speak to me in Thai. It works wonders, everyone should try it some day. Thailand I'd say is a cross between Indonesia and Malaysia in terms of the buildings around and the environment. Evidence of modernization and street side stalls all around. And they thrive on this because Bangkok is quite a tourist destination. Once in a while people will suddenly come to you and show this piece of white card saying, 'sex DVD & VCD'. Well i guess tt's the only way that they're able to make a living in those parts.

Thai Traditional dance, something that I've always wanted to see up close my whole life I finally get a chance to see it, and done by young students. I really am envious of the fact that the culture in Thailand is so strong even up until now, and that it is being passed on from generation to generation. So rich in culture and tradition.

One of the nights in Bangkok, me and Pete decide to walk around and go shop at a very long row of roadside stalls. We were looking for toilets when we walked into this alley which was lined with a few pubs. Seemed quite happening until we realised that it was filled with guys. Gay pubs. We were in the wrong alley, funny experience that was, some more the 2 of us went in together.

Even the place that we went to the next day, River City, it was called. We were brought along this long boat to this very steep temple. It was scary to go up the steps and even scarier to go down the steps. We then came to a place where there boat shops, people selling stuff to visitors on small sampans. I felt that it was very interesting that the tour guide that was on the boat with us was speaking mandarin, the many ways that the people in Thailand improve themselves to be able to create a career for themselves. And then we realized that the whole boat was filled with Singaporeans.

Then we went to 'Wat Pho', Sleeping Buddha. That place is a major tourist attraction as you can observe by the many different nations that congregated in this magical place full of refined and intricately-built buildings. Structures of gold, with tiny, little colored mirrors attached to the pillars that they give you a glittery feel when the sun shines on it. It's fascinating how all the individual structures were made in their own special way. And there was a grand temple inside where all it's walls and ceilings were with paintings and art, nothing could describe the details and all the effort that was being put into making these structures. It almost felt like the price that was paid to go in there to look at these structures does not do the place justice.

Of all the countries we went to i think i'm the most biased to Thailand. I really like that place and the people there are really hospitable. No wonder they call it, the land of a thousand smiles'. I'm definitely gonna go back there within the next few years if ive the money. More sight seeing and shopping for me! Khop Khun Khrap!

Malaysia 19th-21st May

2008-06-05T01:24:00.000-07:00

By far, the most commercialized and modernized country of all (other than Singapore). First thing we noticed, after being in Indonesia, “where were all the jams?”. There was practically not much cars around on the roads. For most Malaysian roads, we were traveling on highways which were lined with plantations and tall trees, but when we reached KL, we were welcomed to by the cityscapes and the high rise buildings of KL Menara and the KLCC towers. Big difference from Indonesia and Laos.

The next day it was Vesak Day so conclusion; best day to go out and meet with the locals around. We found this great spot at KLCC park where there were tons of children and families. Excellent place to find people to draw, but after awhile of drawing, we were chased away by the security. We then went to another place to take more videos and pictures and got whistled by another security. We were just asking for it but then I guess that's what makes this trip more thrilling to be in. We were greeted by a treasure of Malaysian Art in a certain floor of the KLCC towers. A lot of stores selling handicrafts being made Malaysian people. This goes to show if you have the right avenue and the right market, pursuing a business in Art is not at all impossible. Even in such a modernized culture in KL.

The trip to Bandar Ileh after that was excellent as Malacca was the part of Malaysia which was the most historical compared to other cities. We saw a lot historical buildings and shop houses which were now being used as stores to sell souvenirs and items for tourists. Multi-racial shop owners, colorful trishaw riders. People came from all walks of life over at that place. There was very old buildings made by the Dutch and Portugese. So it was kind of a history lesson given by none other than our beloved driver, Mr Euga. He was quite informative about historical facts of Malaysia.

For those of you guys who havent been to Selangor before, well, there''s nothing much happening there. There are rumors that that place is where the rich people stay at. A lot of open space and the houses are far apart from each other. One of the teachers there told us that the families always stay at home because just to go the nearest shop they have to drive out for quite long. Well, i wouldnt wanna go out if it was that far away anywhere.

For Malaysia, nothing much to talk about. Somewhat similar to Singapore the fact that it's a multi-racial society here also and it's so modernized. A bit of nostalgia though when I brought Pete to Petaling Street. The chinatown night market of KL. A lot of bargains there and Pete is excellent at that. The last time I went to KL i was actually staying at a backpacker's inn down that street. Brings back memories when I was sitting down at this coffee shop called "Mawar Merah". Me and Habib sat down there late night when we were there the last time around. Had kopi and burgers, it was a nice experience. M'sia serves really sweet kopi btw. Can u believe it? we actualy stayed there for 3 nights for onli 30 Sing dollars each, but then of course 6 guys arent really particular abt accommodation la, so it was easy, the fact that we went there without even booking our hotel beforehand.

Indonesia 15th-17th May

2008-06-05T01:19:00.000-07:00

1^st thing that the driver that fetched me from the airport said to me was, “Are you Indonesian?”. It was a bit expected that he'd ask me that because even in Singapore people mistake me for being Indonesian. Part of it because my Dad's Indonesian. One thing I need to mention, out of all the 7 countries that we visited, I was mistaken for being local in 6 of them. The one being Vietnam, Pete was mistaken for local over there. So I was greeted by a lot of people who spoke in their national languages. And to their disappointment I wasn't local.

My very first impression of Jakarta when we reached was, when will we reach our hotel. I think we took almost close to 1 and a half hours to reach our hotel from the airport. The traffic jams over there , made Singapore jams seem like nothing. You could sleep and wake up and sleep again whilst in the car to reach your destination. Either you have to be a really good driver to travel fast or you just get a motorbike. Because of the frequent occurrence of traffic jams in Jakarta, they made a career out of it. We see adults and even children walking around in between cars to sell things like newspapers, fruits and souvenirs to the people in their cars. And in the effort to reduce the amount of traffic in Indonesia, the government imposed a law where, during peak hours, no less than 3 people are to be in the vehicle at one time, or they'll be fined. So, during peak hours, you see rows of people standing by the side of the road holding up their fingers showing how many of them are there available to fill up your car. You just bring them to wherever that you want to and pay them a small amount of money as payment so you can avoid paying the fine. It's very disheartening to me to see all these children having to all these just to survive and maybe even for the rest of their lives. Really makes me be very thankful of the fact that my Dad's family migrated to Singapore, if not I'd be in a similar situation as them.

The Ascott manager, Michael, brought us out for lunch. To this very authentic Indonesian restaurant. Very nice food and very nice furnishing but then I just didn't understand why they used such huge plates to serve the food to us. They were excessively big for the amount of food being served. Michael then shared with us some of his thoughts about traveling overseas for work. How it all opens your eyes to how you realize that so many Singaporeans become too used to their comfort one when they stay in Singapore their whole life. They take everything for granted and become blind to the difficulties that are being faced now by our neighboring countries. How he met many people from many different countries and realized that people all around the world talk about the same problems in life. Borders and big oceans doesn't make you totally different person and you go through the same emotional phases in life at the same age all around the world. We then made our way to Sunda Kelapa port where there was a lot of people working to load cargo into ships. We even saw young teenagers working there but the thing is, they don't look like they were suffering or anything. They were smiling whenever we approached them and they just looked like they were liking each other's company at the busy port.

Before we left for Malaysia, we visited a local no-profit school opened by an Indonesian TV Presenter, Dik Duang. He was having a special event for street children living near the school. He invited a very popular Indonesian film actress, Luna Maya to become their model and let them draw her. She was there to share her experiences when she was still young and was growing up in a natural environment. And she was telling the children present there to cherish living in a natural environment and growing up in nature because these are the things that you'd want to remember and treasure when you grow up when you won't have time to 'stop and smell the roses' anymore. Something that I can't say I had the chance to experience when I was younger though. Something I can say about being human I guess, that you'll never be satisfied with everything that you have.

Laos 11th- 13th May

2008-06-05T00:16:00.000-07:00

Laos is a place where it is very similar to Thailand. Already being neighbors, they have similar languages, the locals look somewhat the same, and their food, acquired. We lived right beside the popular Mekong River and there is this community and economy built around the survival through the utilizing the river's resources; fish. Tons of street side stalls selling salted fish, fresh fish covered with tons of salt. I'm sure someone will get sick eating too much of that. But apparently it's supposed to taste really good. Pace over there is still somewhat slow like Brunei but more people can be seen walking around as this place has some tourists visiting.

When we went to interact with this group of young girls at a fountain we saw this girl who was selling inflatable toys. Apparently she needed to do that to make a living. There was a very big difference between her attitude and the other girls who were around the same age as her. They could play the whole day after school but for her case she had to lug around all those inflatable toys just to help her family earn a living. Even when Pete handed her something, it felt like it she didn't even know how to smile. Like it took so much energy just to smile and show happiness. My perception was that she wasn't used to being happy about her life and her environment. I was just happy that we were able to make her happy even if for one second of her life. Like it mattered to someone and she was significant to a total stranger at that point of time.

We were drawing this old man which was holding little wooden cages which had small birds in them. For a moment I thought he was rearing these birds. Then I realized that people pay him to release the birds and let them free. I was just wondering, what if nobody pays for the birds? Wouldn't that particular bird be in captivity for very long? It's really amazing how the kind of things that can people be pushed to do just to survive.

Language barrier that we faced in Laos. I found out from Khamla, logistics officer from Laos Embassy that if you learn how to speak Lao for a month, you'll be able to understand Thai because they use similar words. “Neng, Song, Sam” 1,2 and 3 in both languages.

We made a new best friend after that, Mr Khamla. The Logistics Officer of Laos Embassy. He brought us to try some local food, by the Mekong River. He had an excellent sense of humor and he shed some light on the education system and look on education in Laos. He was saying that the children are becoming very dependent on their parents and the parents, showing care for their children will do anything to fulfill the wants of their children. So dependent the children become that they become lazy and therefore results in the disinterest in studying in school. This made me realize why over here in Singapore why education is so emphasized and enforced upon every Singaporean child. That's why I think almost every person in Laos stays in Laos their whole life because they become less marketable overseas due to the lack of education. I guess these are the kind of people that don't contribute to the improvement of Laos' economy.

On the night itself, the Deputy Ambassador brought us to this place with a live band. It was called, “Club Zai De”, if that's how u spell it. Quite modernized place in the middle of nowhere in the midst of rundown houses. After being fed all those authentic Laos dishes which were all acquired, we finally got to eat old school BBQ chicken. That made my night, it was excellent, best meal in Laos sad to say. Speaking of that, I think the most memorable food that Pete had was the Laos burger that he had one of the days. Just the sight of it being prepared at the stall with all the flies buzzing around I really don't know how he could have eaten it. He had diarrhea after that. Spoiler for Indonesia.

We went to his house after that and let me tell u it was HUGE! It cost US1K a month of rent and its damn worth it i tin. Its only that he's living there by himself so it was such a waste. I now know who to look for the next time i go to Laos, IF i go, haha.

Brunei 4th-6th May

2008-06-04T23:53:00.000-07:00

Brunei was our first stop out of Singapore. We were welcomed by Mr Nithi, Deputy Ambassador of Singapore Embassy. We went through customs in a breeze and we were given a preview on what to expect in the next few days in Brunei. Being able to speak in Malay, it was much easier for me to remember the names of the places of interests that we were recommended to go to to be able to meet with the local people.
The first thing that we noticed about Brunei was the slow and steady pace that was taken by the community there. Every 5-10 mins of traveling on the vehicle, we'd only see 1 or 2 people walking down the pavement by the road. Massive difference from Singapore I'd say.
At a nearby shopping mall appropriately called, “The Mall”. Supposedly the mini-orchard of Brunei, we were greeted by an almost deserted mall. Families in Brunei normally spend their Sundays at home with their families. Overall, the locals could speak English so communication wasn't really a problem. We were then greeted by this group of cute young girls who just came from a birthday party. After a short while of interacting with them, we noticed a group of middle-aged ladies standing around us. At first impression, I thought they were the children's mothers but then Damien shed some light on it saying that they were actually the maids of the children. One to attend to every single one of them. At that point of time, we realized, we might be with the children of some of the richest families in Brunei. Stroke of luck brought us to meet another group of girls but this time teenagers. They were very friendly and the thing is, they really look like Singaporean Chinese school girls. One of them willing to become our tour guide on the next day.

We went to Kampong Ayer, (water village), it is actually a village of Kampongs built on stilts. Very traditional. We were there at sunset so the whole place was majestic. We didn't managed to get to the village but we did pay an amount for a boat to bring us around the village. A nice touch of tradition amongst the concrete buildings around the island. Even though we only had an afternoon to catch the sights, I felt that it was well worth it the places we went to for the day. Point to note; never wait for a cab in Brunei, there only 30 in the whole state. One more thing, everyone owns a car in Brunei.
Breakfast was a 'treat' as we were greeted by many breakfast sets, only difference between them? The way the egg was prepared. We were treated to a number of Brunei goodies which looked familiar to me but then they were presented differently than in Singapore. Finally something familiar, to me at least.
That night,we met up with this girl and mum who we met the previous day who became our guides. And we happen to find out that her family was rumored to be the richest family in Brunei (they own a chain of 8 huge departmental stores around Brunei, “Hua Ho Supermarket”). Really nice to be able to meet nice people who were able to trust perfect strangers to bring us to the Palace and this huge Pasar Malam. Every store had a shop space, compared to Singapore but then they didn't have so much things to sell, and even sold them at super low prices. Imagine a packet of Nasi Lemak was sold at 80cents. (notice the ease of converting Brunei currency). This was where we had the 'Pop Pop' icicle. Just bad-tasting crushed ice with flavored powder. Of course being in that place was a treat for me and Damien as we were suckers for places with such good environment for taking pictures, with all the smoke from the food and the bright tungsten lights. This was also a place where the Brunei families came together at night to make a living and mingle with the rest of the community.
At this point of time, we were feeling that Brunei was coming to an end. Going to the Singapore Embassy after that was a treat. It felt like it was a small part of Singapore, in Brunei. Ambassador, “It's easier to strike oil in Brunei then to hail down a cab”. So we were told to take a picture with the cab because of the it's rarity in Brunei. “Empire Hotel”, just it's name sounds majestic, needless to say the hotel itself. Built by the Sultan, the whole place looked like it was made with gold. It even had its own mini man-made beach within its compound. It was plain ridiculous. Never thought I'd come face to face with such a fancy place, it was almost surreal.

Where I've disppeared to..

2008-06-04T23:37:00.000-07:00

Due to some reasons that i cant disclose, im not able to state here the reason why ive been travelling ASEAN for the past few wks (until further notice) but then i can still talk about my adventures. so here goes...

The nonsense things..

2008-04-20T20:34:00.000-07:00

Even now as I am writing this post, I am trying to figure out ho to solve this stupid Rubix cube which i bought last x'mas. This picture is the closest i got to 'solving' it. I really need someone to tell me how to do it man. Seriously, the kind of things that i do to fill up my time, and i still cant figure out how to do it... ~annoyed. really havent been doin much lately as i haf been handing over my classes (art and dance) over to my bosses as i'm flying off in 2 wk's time. for almost a month i foresee.
my god, im soo gonna miss hm man. the longest time ive been away from hm i tin was once wen i went to taiwan for training for 5 wks. im sure it's not gonna be the same la s this one i wont feel so useless as compared to training. i TIN im gonna miss danish my nephew (pic) he's in K2 this yr and he's getting quite irritating nowadays (as much as i love him) he's super hyperactive and sometimes u juz dunno how to handle him. and he loves to like juz runaway to my mum cuz she always pampers him. so not fair.. i wasn't treated like tt wen i was young. ~jealous haha so old oready..

i noe someone who ADORES him, maria. she juz doesnt understand why i treat him the way i do. (u noe i always scold him) cuz my mum seldom does. so i cannot let him be a spoilt child whenever he's in my hs. see tt pic? doesn't it look like somethin u'd see at a malay wedding? we call it 'hantaran'. it's actually somethin made for maria's recent lasalle assesment. packaging design and then her concept was laces. i call it 'Laces and Balls'. the balls is another installation. 1st time record: 24 hrs looking at maria's face, haha. tt night we juz stayed up the WHOLE night to juz rush her assessment projects which was due the next morning at 10am. 'twas crazy. we were trying to keep ourseleves awake by singing songs and saying jokes.

i tin the chinaman tt was sleeping there also wont be able to sleep i tell u. haha. 'twas kinda scary la the place, dark and lot's of things all ard. seems like working in a very old, unpacked basement or attic.luckily we managed to finish everythin on time and i tell u it wasnt an easy feat. since those sleepless nights durin poly, i havent done this for soo long. anyways, the picture of the pic is actually of a monkey tt is made by PUMA. in ian's shop, its a cool soft toy of a monkey tt u can pull it's eyes out. COOL RIGHT? it's one of my hangout places in orchard whenever someone bails me out, and believe me it has happened to me so many million times. so i'm glad i can go there to haf company, haha. reminds me, im gg there later too, haha.

to add to my collection of nonsense things tt i've done lately, this is a pic of me and my troupe members being squeezed in a car to go to a concert. we had no choice but to squeeze man, really, and it wasnt somethin very fun to be doing wen u're in a very comfortable position. as u can see u can even see me in tt picture. actually i was on the right side of the pic being squashed to the side. record: 8 adults in a norm-sized car. the nonsense things i do in life. haiz...

A.P.P.L.E.Q. = Q.U.I.T.

As the days go pass..

2008-04-03T08:12:00.000-07:00

Seriously, i need more motivation in life man. see the things i do on a normal sunny day outside? (ok it was gonna rain) but still... my god. ok teaching's gd and everythin but then how much time is tt occupying my life? oh man. i cant wait to fly off in 2 wks time. slowly ppl are like askin me to buy stuff for them and i dun even noe which currency to change to. (actually considerin to juz buy everything from s'pore.. haha)

Thx to wushu training, i almost sprained my ankle and it's super hurting now. somethin i juz discovered this mornin while going down the stairs. seriously not my cuppa tea. stick to dancing, stick to dancing.

Juz went for typhoid fever and tetanus jabs today for my upcoming trip on the 19th April. but it's all able to be claimed. bloody hell 82 bucks man! and tt maria so funny was SO SUPER scared of injections. die die want me to go first. she didnt even go for the Hep B jab in poly 2 yrs ago. i juz don und why somebody can be so afraid of somethin so tiny... at least im scared of BIG, SCARY CROCODILES. my biggest fear ever in my life. oh man, juz makes my hair stand.

This officically makes the 1st wk tt im teachin every single day of the wk.
Mon: Art club
Tue: Creative movement class
Wed: Ethnic fusion
Thurs: Art class
Fri: Metal tooling class
Which reminds me i haf to source for references for my student tmr now.. hah

A.R.T.Y.F.A.R.T.Y.

Pri Sch kids!

2008-03-27T09:10:00.000-07:00

A day ago i was teaching Yio Chu Kang pri, "Ethnic Fusion". 'twas kind of a last min contact thing but then i stil went cuz i was kinda short of cash, even now. well 'twas s'posed to be a mixture indian, malay and chinese cultural dance. simple stuff for pri 2 kids. and i tell u... the kids were like SUPER DAMN CUTE!! MY GOD! i stil cant get over the excitement. i really felt like i was a kids central show host la wen i was there! like, "Hi Kids! Bye Kids!" haha. really dam fun and i really want to go back again next wk. but then might not be able to cuz i might be replaced by someone.

Cuz next month i will be flying to 9 diff ASEAN countries with 4 other people for history in the making. kind of like a freelance project thingy. kind of a big thing so i tin it'll be publicised soon. juz went for the meeting and i tell u its gonna be SUPER busy for the 5 of us over there man. looking at it... i tin im gonna need alot of sleep wen i finally come back. estimated time frame out of s'pore: 19apr-22may. 2nd time ill not be in s'pore in my life. hopefully it'll be a gd experience for me la. at least ill haf maria to keep me company over there.

Today was the very first art class for pri sch tt i started teaching. Woodgrove pri 6 students, wire sculpture. was abit of a rush for me this mornin as i had to prep quite a number of stuff for class. almost got myself into trouble as i tot i din prepare enough stuff for 2 classes consecutively. phew! 1st obstacle over many, many more to go. am i really doing the right thing?

well, i kinda realised i'd much prefer to teach dance rather than art cuz i guess i dun haf to dress SO formal for tt as u've to be more carefree and flexible. and at least i get to move my body and teach ppl dance. haha. i soo need to set my priorities right man. i don like the feeling of not being in control of my life.

S.H.I.T.

Pulau Ubin

2008-03-24T08:32:00.000-07:00

Last Sunday, (which was yest), i went to Pulau Ubin with Maria and it was a tiring but swell time...
We rented bikes for 3 bucks til 6pm but then were there onli at 3plus la, haha. so late thx to me. but then we stil enjoyed ourselves. stupid brother of mine bluffed me saying the camera was fully-charged but it went flat the moment i rented the bike la. din even managed to get tt many pictures.
Officially, tt has to be one of the least developed areas in s'pore la. and tt was the first time i actually stepped on tt island. thx to a bunch of ppl who totally forgot abt me a few yrs back wen they went there. stil dare to ask me why i din come. -pissed off.
Tt place is really untouched man. (well mebbe only by the villagers there, should i call them tt?) anyways, really had a BALL of a time taking photos there man. and also cycling up and down slope. got quite a bit of exercise there on a bloody sunday. but it was all gd. gd company, gd fun, gd time. too bad we couldnt stay there longer cuz there were no streetlamps. it would haf felt like brunei jungle at night. (like as if i've experienced it before) everything is soo rundown there and maria loves takin pictures of old those old school stuff so she loves it.. needless to say she wants to go there again.
At the end of the day we kinda decided to be cam whores and take pictures of ourselves in the best lighting of the day: sunset. wow. we sure took alot of emo pictures man. its amazing how the sun can make u look so gd. haha. aft tt we went back to changi village and had queued up for one of the best nasi lemak in s'pore. (im sure u've heard of tt place. really worth the wait as we sat down at changi beach to enjoy the sumptuos meal w sugarcane. wow, excellent sunday man. well, half a day la.
Then we went to meet taufiq at tampines to juz chill out. wow how long has it been since i saw tt guy... actually jus a wk ago la, haha. one of my best buddies in 1SIR. really thru thick and thin. bloody ass. seldom go the east side so muz say hi. i felt kinda bad actually wen i couldnt meet him the day before so i wanted to make up for it tt's why la, haha.

On a side note, im stil in the process of finishin my mini project of makin the ant and now ive run out of wires so im stoppin there. i labelled the diff parts of the sculpture so it'd be easier for my kids to follow step by step. i hope everything goes well. i juz got a call from Peter today actually and he said tt ive been shortlisted to be the videographer for him wen he goes overseas so now i juz haf to ask my 2 bosses whether anot i can be replaced for the period tt i'd be flying in april to june. im sure it'll be a gd experience and an opp of a lifetime man. imagine... 10 diff countries in 5wks! imagine the number of pictures i can take within tt amt of time. hah. i really wanna go man. and anyways i kinda scrapped commonwealth sec's hiphop class cuz it got changed to thursday mornins. so it clashed w my art class. so sad.. i was really enjoying doin tt class.
Really makes me wonder... what do i ultimately wanna do in the future...

D.I.L.E.M.M.A

Gotta get busy...

2008-03-21T08:36:00.000-07:00

Recently, I have been looking for a job from everywhere (mostly as a teacher).

Starting from next week actually i'll be teachin quite a few classes:-

1. Commonwealth Sec, Hiphop
2. Lakeside Pri, Creative Mvmt (whatever the hell tt is...)
3. Woodgrove Pri, Art Club and
4. Art class : wire sculpture

So as u can see... on the right is the process of ME trying to figure out how to make the bloody sculpture. Quite fun la actually cuz i LOVE handicrafts.. (only it takes time) Hmmm, looks kinda ugly in this pic tho. Doesn't matter. I'll have a separate nicer lookin model to show my kids. Sounds like life model, haha.

I dunno whether im takin the right path by becoming a teacher but i've always like being a role model and being able to help ppl improve their lives and help them in whichever way i can. (wow, sounds so benevolent) so hero ideal.. haha. mebbe cuz i juz watched transformers..

Other than tt i guess ive been occupying myself with my dance troupe (SFA) and my salsa lessons i guess. Just been elected publicity dept for my troupe so it's gonna be quite a busy end of year for me as there's gonna be a massive production at the end of the yr.

Actually there are 2 more jobs which are pending. One of which is to be a Media Arts t'cher. I tin tt one should be teachin abt filming stuff la. And one more, more appealing one is one which i am to be either a photographer or videographer for this guy called Peter who's travelling to overseas to hold shows for children of the various countries. It's for a gd cause.. It'll be a GREAT experience if i get selected for tt one. (fingers crossed)

So hopefully after this I'll be busier and ill think lesser abt life and stuff if my brain was much more occupied. til next time then! wish me luck!

B.I.K.E. Woohoo!

New look!

2008-03-06T07:41:00.001-08:00

Well in celebration of the new look to my blog, i shall haf a NEW POST! Haha.

Hmm, i shan't just talk about tt then. What's been happening in my life right now... Well i'd say the most exciting thing would be to teach hiphop class at 2 diff schs recently. (something tt i'd nv haf imagined i'd do in my whole life) didnt even attend ANY hiphop class stil wanna teach, haha. well better than staying at hm doing nothing right? only source of income for now. but i guess tt's the perk of my life now. other than being more and more involved in my dance troupe in SFA (S'pore Foochow Assoc) now every saturday is really being more and more of a torture for me as im being stretched to the limits of my muscles. (oh my aching, aging muscles) and being surrounded by all those young people isnt really helping. i tell u, im damn not flexible. tin its in the genes. but being so free all the time to pursue my passion in dance, i'm kinda getting used to this lifestyle.

Oh man, i sooo need a job right now. feel so aimless and im thinking abt things too much. (since there's so much space up there and everything) i hate doing tt! i'm s'posed to be like carefree and happy and... ok nvm. haa. im being ridiculous. i HAF to think abt stuff once in awhile right? ok i haf officially made this post just redundant, haha.

i shall juz share to quotes i read recently tt i feel makes me feel gd, haha.

-Wherever there is one of us the other is present-
-As long as people have friends to share their sadness.
it becomes easier to bear.-

B.R.O.K.E.

Emotional baggage

2008-01-28T10:02:00.000-08:00

Recently, even though im not in relationship myself, i have been takin in alot of emotional baggage, from my frens.
"She doesn't like me.."
"..wat is she trying to do?"
"..im not worth it.."
I dunno why but i tin i haf become a free love counsellor. I tin everybody knows tt i'm soo damn free to listen to everyone's problems. Tin if i started chargin fees to everyone i can be a millionare. Wow, seriously, the world is so full of problems. Hmm, think ive said so much to other ppl tt i think i've not much to say now. Im listening so much to other ppl but nobody has the time to listen to my own problems. My frenships i feel, is like so 1-sided. So irritated and disappointed in everyone. Why does everyone take me for granted. I think i need a job now so badly to help me to stop thinkin abt stuff happenin ard me. Dammit! I hate it when other ppl's problems become mine. So reminds me of being in the Army.
Sometimes i feel really misunderstood and the people that i want to be with is not around for me to confide in. I feel like shit man. I need a gd night's rest and i need a new hobby. I need to learn somethin, make new frenz. I'm soooo bored..
Luckily stil got my upcoming performance to concentrate on...

S.T.O.P.I.T.

Phuket!

2008-01-26T08:43:00.000-08:00

okok. i noe its been sometime since i came back but i just haf to share this SUPER anticipated trip since 2007.
well, i went w mr ian my super buddy from BMT and i soo had a ball of a time.
we were so organisin and plannin our day-to-day itinerary since wks before to make sure we don waste time there. got alot of help from frenz (thx rau!) and it was a wonderful trip!

first day was like so exhilarating to the pt where i couldnt really believe t'was finally the day man. almost got left at the airport by our taxi driver cuz there was somebody else who had the same name as me. n stupid ian had to almost lost his luggage at the airport. wat a bad way to start the holiday. everythin was smooth aft tt; the guesthouse was quite gd, worth the money, alot of commodities ard, quite close to beach (which we eventually didnt even go to spend time at) played arcade at jungceylon shopping centre and had the first taste of fast food in thai. KFC! the cups were damn big and we had tuna cum mixed vege for sides. we kinda made frenz w this tour lady who gave us cheap rates for this tour we wanted to go to the next day to island hopping and Fantasea.

2nd day: wow. island hopping james bond island, bat cave. seacanoe n we got so tanned. it was really a gd experince. soo worth the money. the beaches there, smooth sand, super clear water. and aft a whole day of being in the sun, thai massage! EXCELLENT! nothin can describe it man. heaven on earth. (and no i didnt get any special thank you v much) then we had a super dinner ( i called it "OMG LOBSTER") at a place w a live band. oh man i stil rmbr the bad singer.. (should juz stick to playin his congos)

3rd day, we kinda got sleepy n woke up late. ok though, cuz we wanted to make our own way to kathu waterfall. so cool! i got to ride on the busy streets of phuket! kinda scary at the start with all the no traffic lights and road sings in thai. and i cant believe i got fined for not wearing a helmet. NOTE FOR EVERYONE WHO DOESNT NOE: THE PASSENGER DOESNT NEED A HELMET, THE RIDER DOES! stupid waste of money. take tuktuk to police station some more, (officially the ONLY tuktuk ride i took for the whole trip) we eventually got to our desitnation la; kathu waterfall (aft askin for some un-understandable directions in Thai) quite dissapointin cuz it wasnt the rainy season so not much water to play in, can wash feet onli. niwae ian got to eat his first pad thai. not bad. tt night was phuket fantases; the play cum thai trad dance, circus, magic show tt was quite entertainin actually. quite famous attraction actually. aft tt, somethin kinda happened tt made me feel quite down so we juz headed back aft tt to sleep (sorry ian)

4th day, we finally felt the SUN was soo giving us such a strain tt so went to other side of patong and when to another beach (Karon) for b'fast. (where u had to pay to lie on the beach chairs, so idiotic) where ian had his 2nd plate of pad thai. wasnt as hapenin. we decided to skip gg to the beach. and go SHOPPING instead. (loves it!) ultimate motive to go thai, hah. got quite alot fo stuff back. for frenz and family. i HAVE to say this. half of the ppl there tin im a thai boi. tin they perceive tt i'm ian's tour guide or somethin. DAMN IRRITATING! wad did we do tt night? hmm, oh we went to macs for dinner n i took my most fav pis throughout the whole trip. WITH A MONKEY! OMG! CAN U BELIEVE IT! wow i was so excited and the monkey was sooo cute, so tame. i couldnt believe my eyes. went back to hotel aft tt and had ian 3rd and last servin of pad thai (ok if u are wonderin y we kept tryin was bcuz i was lookin for the best pad thai) which we found right under our hotel. lemme tell u the best food come from those street stalls i tell ya. t'was damn gd. the perfect plate of pad thai.

the last day, we had finally come to the end of our holiday. and ian was kinda shocked by the amt of money tt he spent on the trip aft we settled the hotel fees n stuff. aiyo, we were there to enjoy niwae. so no pt thinkin abt it. it was a damn swell holiday and im glad to be back safe w ian.

thx ian! for everythin! and for everyone else who were thinkin me back then in s'pore.
til the next holiday!

M.I.S.S.E.S

Purpose in life

2008-01-15T09:37:00.000-08:00

Wow, what a way to come back from a long-awaited holiday. ive nv felt so emotionally-driven in my life before. so many ppl gettin on my nerves at the same time.

i tin its amazing how ppl can start comparing lives when they dont even know how difficult one's life has been.

'wow, how perfect ur life is...'
'u haf it all man...'
'...u get invited to all the parties'

seriously, being so pessimistic n soo happy abt life can have its downfalls too. ppl tend to get the wrong impression tt u're livin such a gd life and u don haf as much problems as they have in life. that you're not workin as hard as them in life and that u're juz sayin things n makin stuff up to make ppl feel better. sometimes i duno why i even bother to make ppl feel happy cuz im soo not appreciated. i noe im not the apple of (haha apple) everyone's eye but i try my darndest to make my fren's happy of course.

well bein on holiday for 5 days, n being w who i was with has made me realise somethin. at the end of the day u can actually really just depend on urself, cuz only YOU know wat u need and what u feel , and wat you've been thru. nobody knows how 'perfect' ur life is except u urself. so i shall juz say tt my life is as perfect as i wanted it to be.

well since im at it might as well make this entry as much of a rant as i can. i hate ppl who take advantage of me. like frenz who onli come to me wen they haf problems in their r/s. wen they're fine, im like a nobody to them. how irritatin. i guess u cant really expect tt much of ppl also la cuz everyone's caught up in their own lives but i tin it's kinda annoyin wen u can really tell tt they're juz talkin to u cuz they need ur advice.

is tt all wat frenz are for? i used to tin tt frenz will juz be there even wen u don need them. juz there to hang out or chill or juz be present.. well.. so much for that..

"happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, mum and dad and all my frens"

S.U.P.B.U.R.E.E

poison apple?

2007-12-27T05:58:00.001-08:00

hmm.
i dunno.
i like this pic.
it shows tt the something can become somethin else aft a long time. up to u whether u wanna see it in a negative or positive way.
for me, it represents how somebody can haf 2 sides to him/ her. whether tt person is a hypocrite or juz trying to survive, to me, i tin its a gd thing to haf. (of cos not to the extent tt someone becomes schizophrenic la) me? well of cos i haf 2 persons in me. one is herman, one is appletoe.
Herman: the more serious, workaholic, doesn't noe how to stop, hardworkin, studious
Appletoe: the crazy, energetic, inquisitive, learner, happy, creative one

of cos i use this to survive n i feel tt everyone in the whole world has at least 2 sides. ya, its gd to be who u are n honest n everythin but sometimes i guess u haf to put up a show to be able to impress or even to make someone feel better. i believe there should be variety in life always n someone should always aspire to be someone greater (omg im beginnin to sound like ping! haha, no offense)

btw i love apples! haha

A.P.P.L.E.

it's comin to an end

2007-12-10T09:24:00.000-08:00

my project is finally coming to an end (my production i mean) ... but the feeling isn't really gd cuz i cant really see the future very well. not sure wat i wanna do yet. should i stay in the production industry? i like doing it but then im too busy for anythin else and i don haf cpf some more. how my future future? growin old oready, haf to find stability in my life. does tt mean workin in an office? haiz.. i wanna pursue my passion in dance but wat kinda job can i do then? need lotsa time n the production industry is definitely not the way to go. not possible i juz do odd jobs all my life right?
i've always wanted to be part of a musical (even tho i haf but tt wasnt really much, juz poly) can i really make money out of it? if yes wow, ill definitely go for it man.
im gg to malacca, on x'mas (hope cliff doesnt come back then, or ill miss him, haha) my uncle treating my whole family to a day trip there. been so long since i went for holiday with my family. memories of me wen i was younger, with no care in the world. i really need a holiday man. then im plannin to go to phuket in jan with ian. duno how tt'll be though. hope it'll be fun. gonna do all research all on our own. (ppl ard us useless, even some travel agent...) it'll be a gd experience. think enlai inspired me to go to the internet n look for stuff. should be able to find gd deals as long as i do substantial amts of research. next yr im planning to go to aust to visit kooky n cliff either mid yr or end yr, depends on my availability. lookin forward to that. kooky gonna bring me to flea markets n bookstores n cliff bringing me snowboarding. so exciting! haha cant wait. nv been to aust before. mebbe can see ben also. wow, looking at it im quite busy.
aft this, sooo gonna get my bike license, don wanna drag anymore. n then take up more big dance performances to expose myself. hope nothin crops up last min. zing has oready approached me to do props n wardrobe for an mtv shoot next jan. don tin ill do cuz im gg to thai. see howla, work first then mebbe study. so many ppl bugging me.

Busy also cannot. Free also cannot. H.U.M.A.N.

my special day

2007-12-03T12:04:00.000-08:00

well of cos it was my bdae
even tho i was so workin til late at night on my 22nd bdae, i was really happy. smses started pouring in at the stroke of midnight. (i was stil in the office) but then rushed off to timbre to meet jamie, nicorelia, rach, & the link and noisy rach. first time i met them aft long (other than jamie n nic la) so happy they both shared to buy me a pair of suspenders. my fav color some more. i got my first 2 huggies from them n i felt so happy to be loved. goodfellas were playin n rach was so into atif tt the rest of us cleared our table to make way for him to play guitar on our table. n he eventually did on their last song. he's super talented btw n they play v gd songs. damn funny how we keep disturbing rach tt night. super fun!
but then i had to go to work again the following day on my bdae....
in the morning i went to MAAD's plush exhibition to visit kooky awhile n he made me cupcakes. so sweet! they were appletoe cupcakes some more, w dried apples tt look like toes w toenails.

-------------------------------------------->>>

kooky's neighbor shop owners sang me a bdae song, so sweet even tho i din even noe them.
back to work then, i din really told anyone of my colleagues cuz i din want it to be a big hooha or a big distraction. even if they were to celeb i tin it'd be a half hearted effort. then throughout the day there were ppl wishin me too some even ppl who i din even expect to receive msgs from. really happy tt day n i went to timbre again tt night, meeting the same ppl. juz din feel right to go hm tt night. well, this time round, rach managed to pass her namecard ro atif the guitarist n he msged her tt night itself. tin he was a bit high. guess he was a guy kinda guy. even tho the person tt i really wanted to celeb with wasnt there to be with me, i was stil happy tt certain ppl stil rmbr-ed.
i luv all of u guys hu rmbr-ed (super touched) n i'd like to thank frenster too! haha.

Growing.Old.Slowly

Being a bitch

2007-11-25T07:38:00.000-08:00

i dunno, sometimes i really feel tt im really such a bitch. the way i treat especially my gd frenz. or mebbe juz to hide my true feelings. but i've always tot tt my closest frenz would be in the best position to really und my character. but i guess everyone has their limits. sometimes, i juz cannot take ppl who are over sensitive. oversensitivity n me.. don click. loggerheads. ill juz keep makin the situation worse. n im a heck care kinda person (lest it's somebody really special) i suck la sometimes n i feel so bad abt it sometimes. im juz not v gd at expressing my feelings to someone.

im sry to the ppl out there hu ive hurt in one way or another, cuz sometimes i don even realise it myself cuz im too full of myself n my life. well, it is my life. ok bye!

The bottom of the shallow pond.

2007-11-08T10:31:00.001-08:00

It's amazing how sometimes u meet the most interesting ppl in the world where u tin u're direct opposites but ur frenship somehow juz works. n sometimes u juz feel everythin juz falls into a whirlpool in the drain, or other forms of insignificant water sources, like a shallow pond. u'd think tt ppl accept u for who you are at some pt or another, and suddenly, comin from nowhere, like a massive hurricane, everythin is swept away n u're left w nothin. n me bein me, i guess i cant juz leave everythin to be like tt, i had to contemplate abt it, ponder on it, crack my brain... like bloody hell im not busy enough w werk so everythin becomes this v big thing... all derived by myself n my alter ego appletoe..
really sucks how sometimes u juz cant put certain things into words or u juz am not able to tell somebody somethin cuz tt person juz doesnt und who u really are, or juz cant accept how the world works. bein shallow is easy, cuz u juz haf to accept how u urself tin n see life as, y should u even bother mixing ard w the world then, juz grow up in ur own tiny tiny world under the big rock. certain things tt u say in life to other ppl i guess u juz muz watch n not tin tt everyone will accept it like u do. sometimes u don feel like it but u juz muz tin abt other ppl's feelings n how they view certain things in life. u nv knoe wat the other finds ok n not cuz everyone has secrets.. i guess life is juz like tt isn't it?
at least i noe tt they are a few people out there hu actually stil care.

Nothin. Hurts. More. Than. Urself

Tt's me!

2007-08-04T11:31:00.000-07:00

Finally got a chance
to wear No. 1 uniform.
Haha.

Hi there!

2007-08-04T11:16:00.000-07:00

Hi!
Welcome to my humble blog. Nothin' much here but i guess since u're oready here tt should be somethin' of interest u're lookin for.

So enjoy!

-appletoe-